Totally Mag! » Horoscopes


September 6th, 2010



You are are extremely clumsy this month GEM! the physical challenges you face in life right now are far too daunting best to sit and reflect on all the times you have tripped, stumbled or farted in class by mistake. Think about these times and wait for this time of goofiness to pass.

hide your soul in the:  letters ASDF on your keyboard.


Surprise! Taurus it’s time for you to be surprised time and time again this month. you are so surprised by everything right now it’s no surprise how surprised you are!

hide your soul in a:  Mc Chicken Sandwich from McDonald’s


This month gives you all the inner diva feelings you so inherit. Don’t let those diva tendencies get in the way of knowing when and where to be a diva. Divaism is wonderful but not so necessary when in line at the Rite Aid nor are they necessary when trying to find out which three guys may possibly be the father of your child. TM! suggests quietly waiting for the DNA results. We all know that baby has big ears but shouting out whose big ears they most likely posses will have no affect on what the blood results reveal.

hide your soul in a:  a 24=48 pack of Charmin Basic.


It’s not how freaky you are on the outside it’s how freaky you are on the inside and you are definitely a freak a leak! Go out and meet some new casual gogurt friends and enjoy gogurt with them on the go! and just have fun this month Pisces! Don’t forget to take your spoon, wait a minute…

hide your soul in a: stick of Fruit Stripe Gum.


You so crazy! Every day is wild n out with you this month Aquar! You should do something really fun by yourself like upload a new pic on or try out for the lead role in a poetry reading contest! Whatever you do continue to be you, the you we all know you to be, whoever you are, only you know who you are! OH YOU!

hide your soul in a: Pillow Pet.


Get up in there and join the fun CAP! you are feeling the heat and getting really interested in how to keep cool this summer i would recommend doing the Tootsie roll or learning to Butterfly. Try a new hair look that keeps you feeling breezy like a nice step cut or a tight fade! Family and friends are dieing to hang out and you’re really just wanting to lax and eat some kashi at home quietly but just go out there you’re bound to have fun!

hide your soul in a: Choose your own adventure Goosebumps book.


Slow your roll sexy Sag. You are getting too intense, that one night stand is getting so sick of them sext messages. Time to move on and take control of your life. Summer can be a blast and you don’t want to feel so shittiful when fall comes. You want to enjoy the new season of Biggest Loser with a WINNING attitude! Go out to KFC with some friends and just Laugh over some fried Chicken.

hide your soul in a: Monster BFC “Big Fucking Can”


That whip ain’t going to ghost ride itself Scorpio! You need to give it a little gas hurry up and get out and start walking alongside it. You are feeling scared about the future and unsure about your plans. And you still haven’t perfected how to do the Soulja Boy and it’s already 2012 practically! Things are lagging but it will all work out in the end before you know it you will be doing the stanky leg, the soulja boy and the new orleans bounce before you can say Christmas not to mention the duggie and oh my gosh you know you’re gonna start jerkin by new years don’t worry everything you wished for will come true keep trying and being the QT we all know you to be!

hide your soul in an: Issue of Better Homes and Gardens


Your indecisive about what you want right now Leeb. Your home and social life are all upside down turned inside out! Quit posting what you ate for dinner last night on facebook and work on that new idea you had! By the way it looked delicious!

hide your soul in a:  bottle of Victoria’s Secret scented antibacterial gel with microbeads.


You are feeling real mellow this month but that one bitch has been talkin shit but you’re gonna let it slide cos you just don’t wanna deal this month. Virgo,  I don’t blame you! People are apt to H8 and you know this. The end of the month will be way more chill you will enjoy lots of Mango Pineapple freeze from Mckee Deez and feel so right. This too shall pass…

hide your soul in a: J Kwon’s single album Tipsy


OH WATCH OUT! Leo is on the prowl GRR baby GRRR MEOW! doing the cat walk can be hard though you are hot right now but be careful you can also become cowardly and not always up to taking the high road. People will want to hang and party but won’t want to be there when you accidentally fall in the pool especially if you were just judging their outfit.

hide your soul in a: mint milano.


Your longing to break out of that shell comes on a little stronger than usual this month. It’s hard for you to set your spirits free for fear of being eaten by the gulls that haunt your living world.  Never fear there are things in life that can help you in your quest! 1 Way is to pamper yerself try putting something sweet on your nails before you chew them off what a pleasant surprise something sweet to taste whilst u act out your nervous tendencies! You are much like those nails a little raggedy but totally sweet! with a little time and some relaxation you could grow back into being the sexy self you are! Give in to your guilty pleasures.  Friends are no help this month try joining a new networking site like PLURLIFE or Cougar! <3 Happy Surfing my shy friend.

hide your soul in a: Hungry Man Frozen Dinner